Preparing Your Marriage for the Mission Field
Heading to the mission field can be an amazing adventure. New culture. New foods. New language. New dependence on God. For married couples, a new sense of “we’re in this together.”
Of course, change and challenge often bring greater stress; and being far from friends and loved ones often creates a sense of isolation. For many, the first two years on the mission field are the most challenging. Thereafter, language and culture become more familiar, and new relationships begin to fill in the holes.
These seven skills can enrich any marital relationship, even when stressed:
1. Keep your faith strong. Sure, everyone knows this, but sometimes the stress, isolation, and intensity of learning and adapting can be overwhelming, and people can momentarily forget about God’s love and power. Sometimes those forgetful moments can turn into weeks or months. Jesus stayed lock-step with the Father. Copy Jesus, to the best of your daily ability.
2. Chill, and then chill again. The intensity of language learning and cultural adaptation can sometimes be like carrying fire in your pocket, and suddenly one asks, “Why am I burning up?” Taking a few steps away from the intensity on a regular basis provides essential margin. It’s OK to chill. No, wrong, it’s essential to chill. When confused, chill. When anxious, chill. When lost, chill. When frustrated, chill. Who’s in control, you? No, God. Chill, and let Him.
3. Keep your laugh. Dating couples often share far more laughter than married couples. Dating couples are more likely to prank each other, or see the funnier sides of situations. Don’t let yourself become boring. Keep your laugh. Play. Keep pranking. Keep pursuing each other romantically. Keep framing your new life with humor and adventure. Don’t get dull!
4. Keep dating. Yes, one date night per week. If you have kids it’s harder, but figure out ways of being alone together, and sexual with each other, and flirting with each other. Keep the bloom on the rose – both of you – intentionally – regularly.
5. Build all relationships on Phil. 4:8. Read it. Memorize it. And then use it as the basis of your interactions with your spouse and kids. Let it color your friendships with all locals you encounter. This text is one of the most powerful in scripture. Fix your mind on things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise. The other more negative things will always be there, but don’t let the crap of life flavor your personal soup.
6. Prioritize in this order: Faith, spouse, kids, job. When God calls one to ministry, the call is not to sacrifice one’s family on the altar of success. When you’re 75 and reviewing your life, the legacy that will be most meaningful will have to do with your marriage and kids. Look for ways your family can join you in serving and faith with others. But avoid leaving them out in the cold of your physical or relational absence.
7. Talk about everything. Every day. No exceptions. No secrets. Prioritize at least 30 minutes.
Any new adventure brings its own challenges, and being a missionary can be challenging. But doing it together can take marriages deeper, build wisdom and strengthen bonding.
John S serves in leadership with the GlobalGrace home office